Late night thoughts don't always make sense

I'm laying here in bed at my parents house, not quite ready for bed, but not really knowing exactly what to do, so I decided to blog. The kids and I are here for a week while Jon is still in twin working. My amazing sister Amber is going to watch the kids during the day, while I get some much needed studying in. It's so fun to see my kiddo's with their grandparents and aunts and uncles. I think when I was living here, I really underestimated have incredibly blessed I was to have so many wonderful people to help raise my children. It's funny how you don't realize that until they are not around you every day. Luckily we are only a couple hours away, so visiting is fairly easy. I had the opportunity to visit with a couple of people this last week, who were all in very different stages of their lives, but they all seemed to have some sort of trial they were facing, which got me thinking about life. I guess when I was in high school I used to think, when I get out of here, life is going to be so much better, I won't have deal with all the immaturity, I will definitely be more confident in myself and there will no longer be anyone telling me what to do all the time. So, I graduated, went to college, and finally got away from all those people, and entered a world entirely different then what I had every known. First of all the people were far more mature than I was (not like it was hard), I got my first bill, my first heart ache (while at the same time breaking my first heart), my first failure in sports, uhg... dating... What a nightmare (I felt like a four year old in a new york subway). It was at this time I was having my first of nearly everything and all I really wanted was to have back those immature kids that I was more alike than I thought, a trace of the self confidence I had in high school and someone telling me what to do all the time. It was also at this time though that I met some of the most amazing people, life changing people. But even then I was still eagerly awaiting the next phase, caught up in the idea that life would be better when I got married and had a little family. Once again a new world of firsts began. At a very unexpected and weird time, I met an amazing man, loved him to much to not have him in my life and we got married. It was the most incredible thing that had ever happened to me. We moved to a new school together, rented our first crappy basement apartment together, got our first horrifying jobs at the same time, and fought more together than we had fought with anyone before. We went to every free movie that played at the campus theatre, including the biology movie on bugs. We once signed up for a credit card at subway so we could get a free sub (it was a date). Oh, and once we looked through our couches, junk drawers and anywhere change might be so that we could afford to rent the notebook for valentines day. It was also during this time that we got pregnant with our first beautiful baby Logan. But even after all this I kept thinking, when we are finally not in school anymore and we have real money making jobs, life will be so much easier. So we did that, and in the mists of it had a beautiful baby girl named Lucy. Jon now practices medicine as a PA, and I stay at home with my two kiddo's while going to school, and life is still not easier. I run from place to place getting logan to pre-school and playgroups. Lucy patrol is endlessly tiring. She pulls the pots out of the drawers, I put them back in while she has already moved to her next target, everything in the bathroom drawers ect ect ect. I play city league Volleyball twice a week, Jon plays basketball twice a week. Searching for a home takes up so much time, and our poor real estate agent might just jump off a bridge if he hears from me one more time that the house is just not the right one. Holy cow, I bet nobody continues to read until the end of this, but I guess in all life's stages, there is the crappy parts, the good parts and the amazing parts. But just because there is crappy parts, that doesn't mean that the next stage is going to be better. From my experience, it's just means that it's going to be different. I'm pretty sure I'm writing this more for myself than anyone. I'm loving the stage I'm in right now. It's not perfect, but hopefully I'll take it from my past and realize that it's only what I make it.